Jump to content

Welcome to Hoosier Sports Nation | Indiana Basketball and Sports Forum

Welcome to HoosierSportsNation 3.0 -- our newest and best iteration.  We promise we won't bite -- come on in and register to join the party!


Sign in to follow this  
Dr. Jones

Walk Away Wife Syndrome help!

Recommended Posts

Came home from a fishing trip on 9/30 to find out my wife of 22 years had moved out.  Have had limited conversations with her since and am lost.  She told no one that she was doing this and has not said much to anyone except that we weren't getting along so she moved out.  Searched online and found articles on walk away wife syndrome which seems to fit our situation exactly.  Has anyone here ever had this happen to them?  Just want to sit down and talk with a professional and do what it takes to work this out but she needs some time.  What does this mean?  What is some time?  She's in an apartment and signed a one year lease.  She won't let me help her financially and I just got busted for looking into her accounts and our recent phone records.  I've talked to our priest, deacon, family friends, and countless others and no one saw this coming nor can they believe that she did this.  99% confident that another man is not involved.  I am ready to work on this for the next year but I am so confused.  She has shown no emotion to anyone about this.  She is a devout catholic and has sat next to me at mass and the past three weekends and appears to be in heavy prayer at times but who beside god knows what she is thinking.. Sorry for rambling but I am crushed and need any advice I can get.

Dr. J

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Doc, so sorry to hear this and just hang in there.

I had something similar happen but in the end it was another man and my money.

My first piece of advice would be to retain a lawyer to look after your interests.

The second would be that time will bring out the truth.

God Bless.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I will keep you in my prayers Dr.  One of my best friends just told me a couple of weeks ago he is experiencing the same thing you are. I have no idea what to say other than I will be praying and make sure you surround yourself with people who care about you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We've been through the "Wild at Heart" series by John Eldredge at church a couple of times. Biggest thing I remember is the thought that everyone has a measurement system for the value of their life. (usually flawed) It is almost always based on some form of what makes me worthwhile. (Love, respect, power, whatever) Thing is if someone is not feeling worthy it's not just that you aren't feeding her needs, it could be you don't understand her measurement system.

Hang in there brother, praying for you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sp sorry to hear this.  The best advice I can give is to not put any pressure on her.  See a professional even if she is not ready.  Over time, if this is no more than her just needing some time to sort things out, she will appreciate you not adding extra pressure.  If she knows you are seeing a professional, when she is ready, she may decide to join you.     

Edited by 5fouls

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man I'm sorry to hear this. I'm grateful for this community so you can hit some guys up with some experience on their hands unfortunately. Other than that man you'll be in my prayers

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Prayers out to you both.

From my experience, you can only take care of yourself unless and until she is ready to work on things.

Go to counseling and focus on your needs. Find close friends to help you. Do your best to be your best during this trial. This is a season of your life and you will persevere. 

Surround yourself with people who love you, but also people who won’t take sides or denigrate your wife.

God willing, this too shall pass 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the advice and prayers.  I am making an appointment to see a counselor and work on a few of my demons.  i told her that I am doing this so we will see where this goes.  I could tell she was feeling unhappy lately but attributed it to our youngest moving out of the house to start college.  If she only would have told me before it was too late.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear this. Lifting you up in prayer. I just wish I had some advice to help you. 1 thing that I have learned is that our God is amazing and I encourage you to he very specific on your prayers and what you ask for and watch what he does for you. Tell God EXACTLY what you need he loves the details.  I will be praying for you and for your wife.  Please know that many on here are available to talk. Some of the people I call close friends are people I have never met and only know because of this great board

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Dr. Jones said:

Thanks for all the advice and prayers.  I am making an appointment to see a counselor and work on a few of my demons.  i told her that I am doing this so we will see where this goes.  I could tell she was feeling unhappy lately but attributed it to our youngest moving out of the house to start college.  If she only would have told me before it was too late.

It's a delicate tightrope to walk, but either directly or indirectly (through friends/family), please suggest that she seek professional help as well, preferably from a psychiatrist. Given the above information, clinical depression sounds like it's not out of the possibility.

The reason I specifically suggest a psychiatrist is that depression is both an emotional and medical condition, and can be either a root cause or a symptom of a co-existing condition. Many psychiatrists are trained in counseling, but all are physicians as well and are able to directly prescribe medications AL and/or tests if needed. That is something licensed counselors or psychologists cannot.

If it turns out that there are no physiological issues, then there are still many other routes. But they won't be as effective if there is.

There's no shame in it. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It doesn't mean you're  flawed. It means you're human. A human with a medical condition that may be easily treated.

"Oh I can't do that. Besides, people are over prescribed XYZ medications nowadays." Yeah, some probably are. They're the ones that would look to any drug to try and avoid or solve their problems. But for every one of them, there's at least one person that uses them properly, and just wants the clarity and mental stability to try and live a normal life and work through life's problems. I'm one of them.

For the sake of all involved, I hope she does. If only to rule out possibilities. Best of luck.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...