"Tough Love" Stories

[BGleas]

1 hour ago, IUFLA said:

Come on, @BGleas... That's not true at all...

 

Maybe 'necessity' is a strong word, your cell phone isn't like food and water in that you need it to survive, but cell phone and internet access aren't a 'nice to have' in modern society either. Most people couldn't do their job effectively without them, myself included. 

Without internet access my kids could not have done distance learning last Spring. Even before Covid, most of my kids school work is done an a iPad, they would be at a huge disadvantage if we didn't pay for internet access at home. 

Cell phones and internet access are things you need to be competitive in the modern world. They're not luxuries like putting a pool in or getting a 3rd car, you virtually need them. 

[KoB2011]

2 hours ago, IUFLA said:

Come on, @BGleas... That's not true at all...

 

I couldn't do my job without them and neither could my wife...

[BGleas]

4 minutes ago, KoB2011 said:

I couldn't do my job without them and neither could my wife...

90% of the workforce couldn't, its probably closer to 99%. 

[IUFLA]

9 minutes ago, KoB2011 said:

I couldn't do my job without them and neither could my wife...

 

3 minutes ago, BGleas said:

90% of the workforce couldn't, its probably closer to 99%. 

So neither one of your jobs existed before the internet and cell phones?

Mine did, and I and a lot of other people did it. Cell phones and the internet simply make the communication more efficient.

Your jobs would be more difficult and you'd be less efficient, but you could do them.

I've been working from home since May. But 8 people in our group still go into the air traffic control centers to do their work because...they don't have internet. I know one of them very well. Guy makes $170K a year. Doesn't have a cell phone either, and he gets along.

I walked through the Woodlands Mall today. All of the people I saw working did not need a cell phone to do their jobs. Starbucks barista? Nope. Guy I bought 2 shirts from in Dillard's? Nope. Not a one of them. 

Debit and credit card transaction use phone lines in most instances. Some merchants use the internet to process payments, but it's not the norm.

When I was a kid, we had TV, but was it a necessity? We didn't have cable until I was a teenager. Nice, but not essential.

Man prospered before electricity, before cars, and before air conditioning. All stuff we think we couldn't do without today. 

But if it comes down to it, you'd be surprised how resourceful we are...

 

[KoB2011]

14 minutes ago, IUFLA said:

 

So neither one of your jobs existed before the internet and cell phones?

Mine did, and I and a lot of other people did it. Cell phones and the internet simply make the communication more efficient.

Your jobs would be more difficult and you'd be less efficient, but you could do them.

I've been working from home since May. But 8 people in our group still go into the air traffic control centers to do their work because...they don't have internet. I know one of them very well. Guy makes $170K a year. Doesn't have a cell phone either, and he gets along.

I walked through the Woodlands Mall today. All of the people I saw working did not need a cell phone to do their jobs. Starbucks barista? Nope. Guy I bought 2 shirts from in Dillard's? Nope. Not a one of them. 

Debit and credit card transaction use phone lines in most instances. Some merchants use the internet to process payments, but it's not the norm.

When I was a kid, we had TV, but was it a necessity? We didn't have cable until I was a teenager. Nice, but not essential.

Man prospered before electricity, before cars, and before air conditioning. All stuff we think we couldn't do without today. 

But if it comes down to it, you'd be surprised how resourceful we are...

 

I'm in software sales and no, I literally couldn't do my job without internet. I'm on video calls several hours every day, that requires internet. 

Pre-covid, I traveled a lot for work and needed a smartphone to do my job while on the go. 

I am 100% of the belief that it would be impossible to sell 6 and 7 figure software deals to large organizations without the internet and a smartphone. Just because you used to be able to do it 30 years ago doesn't mean you could do it now; the world changes. 

[BGleas]

12 minutes ago, KoB2011 said:

I'm in software sales and no, I literally couldn't do my job without internet. I'm on video calls several hours every day, that requires internet. 

Pre-covid, I traveled a lot for work and needed a smartphone to do my job while on the go. 

I am 100% of the belief that it would be impossible to sell 6 and 7 figure software deals to large organizations without the internet and a smartphone. Just because you used to be able to do it 30 years ago doesn't mean you could do it now; the world changes. 

Yeah, literally the word eCommerce is in my job title. So yes, having the internet and a cell phone is a requirement for me to do my job as well. 

But beyond that, like you said it has nothing to do with what worked 30 years ago, that is completely irrelevant to what works today. Even if your specific job function doesn't require the internet, I'd guarantee at the vast majority of workplaces things like the work schedule, key documents you'd need to be trained, be in communication with your bosses and teams, etc., etc. are done via email, text and company intranet sites.

Like I said, my kids would be at massive disadvantage in terms of their education if we didn't have internet access at home. I run our towns travel basketball program and every aspect of communication we have with the people who run the league we're in, our parents, the gyms we schedule practices at, registration for tryouts, etc., etc. is done via email, text, online signup forms, etc., etc. 

It has nothing to do with being resourceful, you're at a massive disadvantage in today's world if you don't have a cell phone and internet access. 

[IU Scott]

8 hours ago, BGleas said:

I think the bolded is not considered enough. These things have changed so much and the expenses that we (current parents or just society in general) have increased at a much greater rate than incomes have. 

My parents bought their first house (the house we lived in when my sister and I wore born) in their early 30's for $39,000. Today that house was be at least mid-$300,000's if not more. My parents didn't have a cable bill, cell phone data plans and cell phones, internet bills (and no, cell phones and internet are not a luxury in 2020, they're a necessity), it didn't cost $250 for me to play travel basketball in 5th grade, etc., etc.

Add all of that together, and the fact that I probably make less money at my age than my dad did at this age, or at least comparable. I certainly don't make 800% more money at my age than my Dad did at this age, yet that's the percent increase in the price of the first home he bought vs. the first home my wife and I bought, and that doesn't take into account all of those new bills I mentioned. 

I know after I got my divorce and was a single father with no help from there mother that I oculdn't afford to live on my own.  We had to movre in with my parents to be able to live and with my kids being 8 and 5 it helped with baby sitting.  Not thinking but once they got older the more expensive it got and it was still hard for me to get our own place.  Now they are 20 and 23 and I know it is my fault but I still help them with their car and phone payments.

[IU Scott]

35 minutes ago, IUFLA said:

 

So neither one of your jobs existed before the internet and cell phones?

Mine did, and I and a lot of other people did it. Cell phones and the internet simply make the communication more efficient.

Your jobs would be more difficult and you'd be less efficient, but you could do them.

I've been working from home since May. But 8 people in our group still go into the air traffic control centers to do their work because...they don't have internet. I know one of them very well. Guy makes $170K a year. Doesn't have a cell phone either, and he gets along.

I walked through the Woodlands Mall today. All of the people I saw working did not need a cell phone to do their jobs. Starbucks barista? Nope. Guy I bought 2 shirts from in Dillard's? Nope. Not a one of them. 

Debit and credit card transaction use phone lines in most instances. Some merchants use the internet to process payments, but it's not the norm.

When I was a kid, we had TV, but was it a necessity? We didn't have cable until I was a teenager. Nice, but not essential.

Man prospered before electricity, before cars, and before air conditioning. All stuff we think we couldn't do without today. 

But if it comes down to it, you'd be surprised how resourceful we are...

 

Did those places not take payment by computer and internet connection.  Using the credit card and at the en d of the day they will have to se thoer computer to reconcile their books.

[BGleas]

4 minutes ago, IU Scott said:

I know after I got my divorce and was a single father with no help from there mother that I oculdn't afford to live on my own.  We had to movre in with my parents to be able to live and with my kids being 8 and 5 it helped with baby sitting.  Not thinking but once they got older the more expensive it got and it was still hard for me to get our own place.  Now they are 20 and 23 and I know it is my fault but I still help them with their car and phone payments.

Yeah, it's incredibly more expensive to be a person today than it was 30-40 years ago. Like 800% more expensive, and salaries certainly have not remotely increased by that much. 

[IU Scott]

Just now, BGleas said:

Yeah, it's incredibly more expensive to be a person today than it was 30-40 years ago. Like 800% more expensive, and salaries certainly have not remotely increased by that much. 

I know it is my fault that I help my kids but my daughter is in Grad school and working two part time jobs.  My son is still going to school and working and just had a baby.  I guess I am soft because I would rather them have what they need over what I get.  So right now I am paying 3 car payments a phone bill, Car insurance for 3 people plus helping my parents out for letting me live there.  Doing this and being unemployed for over 6 months is hard but I would do it every time.

[BGleas]

1 minute ago, IU Scott said:

I know it is my fault that I help my kids but my daughter is in Grad school and working two part time jobs.  My son is still going to school and working and just had a baby.  I guess I am soft because I would rather them have what they need over what I get.  So right now I am paying 3 car payments a phone bill, Car insurance for 3 people plus helping my parents out for letting me live there.  Doing this and being unemployed for over 6 months is hard but I would do it every time.

I don't think it's soft or your fault or any other negative thing. You're a man sacrificing for his family, and it sounds like you have great kids who are working hard to set themselves up for a good life. It's really none of my business but since you shared, it's not like you're supporting freeloading kids who don't work and are milking it, you're helping great kids that are working hard and just need some assistance in this crazy world we're in that has changed significantly in terms of the demands on people over the last 30 years.

Best wishes to you in your job hunt, Scott. Hoping for nothing but the best. I know how it is, I was terrified when I lost my job in May with a wife that stays home and 3 kids between 8-13. It's terrifying. 

[IU Scott]

9 minutes ago, BGleas said:

I don't think it's soft or your fault or any other negative thing. You're a man sacrificing for his family, and it sounds like you have great kids who are working hard to set themselves up for a good life. It's really none of my business but since you shared, it's not like you're supporting freeloading kids who don't work and are milking it, you're helping great kids that are working hard and just need some assistance in this crazy world we're in that has changed significantly in terms of the demands on people over the last 30 years.

Best wishes to you in your job hunt, Scott. Hoping for nothing but the best. I know how it is, I was terrified when I lost my job in May with a wife that stays home and 3 kids between 8-13. It's terrifying. 

Thank you so much for those kind words and it is very scary.  I was hoping that the two parties could get together and pass another stilmulus package but they are using the american people for their own gain.

[BGleas]

11 minutes ago, IU Scott said:

Thank you so much for those kind words and it is very scary.  I was hoping that the two parties could get together and pass another stilmulus package but they are using the american people for their own gain.

Absolutely, Scott! You're welcome and I hope a good job comes your way soon. 

On your second sentence, I agree and have more to add to that but don't want to get the thread locked or myself banned. 

[IU Scott]

2 minutes ago, BGleas said:

Absolutely, Scott! You're welcome and I hope a good job comes your way soon. 

On your second sentence, I agree and have more to add to that but don't want to get the thread locked or myself banned. 

It just shows that we can disagree on some things like we did earlier today but we can stay friends on this board.  As for the second comment I will stay quite as well.

[IUFLA]

11 hours ago, KoB2011 said:

I'm in software sales and no, I literally couldn't do my job without internet. I'm on video calls several hours every day, that requires internet. 

Pre-covid, I traveled a lot for work and needed a smartphone to do my job while on the go. 

I am 100% of the belief that it would be impossible to sell 6 and 7 figure software deals to large organizations without the internet and a smartphone. Just because you used to be able to do it 30 years ago doesn't mean you could do it now; the world changes. 

 

11 hours ago, BGleas said:

Yeah, literally the word eCommerce is in my job title. So yes, having the internet and a cell phone is a requirement for me to do my job as well. 

But beyond that, like you said it has nothing to do with what worked 30 years ago, that is completely irrelevant to what works today. Even if your specific job function doesn't require the internet, I'd guarantee at the vast majority of workplaces things like the work schedule, key documents you'd need to be trained, be in communication with your bosses and teams, etc., etc. are done via email, text and company intranet sites.

Like I said, my kids would be at massive disadvantage in terms of their education if we didn't have internet access at home. I run our towns travel basketball program and every aspect of communication we have with the people who run the league we're in, our parents, the gyms we schedule practices at, registration for tryouts, etc., etc. is done via email, text, online signup forms, etc., etc. 

It has nothing to do with being resourceful, you're at a massive disadvantage in today's world if you don't have a cell phone and internet access. 

I didn't want this thread to run off the rails like this...I understand that cell phones and internet make it nice for a lot of us to perform our jobs, myself included. My issue was with calling them a "necessity" for everyone in the grand scheme of getting a job, buying a house, and merging into adult life from college or high school. Few people really need a cell phone to perform their jobs, And if it is "essential" most of the time a company pays for it. Individually, we've become reliant on the internet for many things, but people can and do live without it.

Financial expenditures should be dictated by your circumstances and income, not by what everyone else has. It takes time, but it seems nowadays people don't want to wait.

 

[IUFLA]

11 hours ago, IU Scott said:

Did those places not take payment by computer and internet connection.  Using the credit card and at the en d of the day they will have to se thoer computer to reconcile their books.

No, the CC terminals run through common phone lines for the most part, though internet based payment options are becoming more widespread.

[IUFLA]

11 hours ago, IU Scott said:

I know after I got my divorce and was a single father with no help from there mother that I oculdn't afford to live on my own.  We had to movre in with my parents to be able to live and with my kids being 8 and 5 it helped with baby sitting.  Not thinking but once they got older the more expensive it got and it was still hard for me to get our own place.  Now they are 20 and 23 and I know it is my fault but I still help them with their car and phone payments.

And of course life circumstances can dictate something like that. I'm talking more about the single people who live with their parents into their 30s, which is becoming more common. 

You were looking out more for your children than anything... 

[Hoosierhoopster]

1 hour ago, IUFLA said:

 

I didn't want this thread to run off the rails like this...I understand that cell phones and internet make it nice for a lot of us to perform our jobs, myself included. My issue was with calling them a "necessity" for everyone in the grand scheme of getting a job, buying a house, and merging into adult life from college or high school. Few people really need a cell phone to perform their jobs, And if it is "essential" most of the time a company pays for it. Individually, we've become reliant on the internet for many things, but people can and do live without it.

Financial expenditures should be dictated by your circumstances and income, not by what everyone else has. It takes time, but it seems nowadays people don't want to wait.

v

Yeah I  hear you -- and also not trying to take your thread off the rails, but every now and then I think about how it really hasn't been that long since first the Internet and then cell phones took off and then took over. 

I mean I finished law school in the early 90s and was practicing for several years when I joined a large DC firm and that firm actually was outfitted with Macs (8 floors of attorneys all with Macs) all hooked up to the Internet. I was in my late 20s, and had never used it. It was still new and it was just a research tool. No online banking, no Facebook (btw, quick true story, Zuckerburg basically stole the name and foundation from Phillips Exeter, where he went to boarding school, they used Facebook, by that name, internally, the dude never goes back there....), no online shopping or sports sites like this. That was 1995-97. A few years later, probably around '98, I remember having my first cell phone, a flip phone -- no smart phones, no Internet on them, but a huge jump from the early clunky car phones of the late 80s , big boxes that sat in your car along with the roof antenna for reception -- my girlfriend, now wife, had one, and I used to call here an elitist for it, lol. The cell phone was great -- our first was born in '97, and being able to get in touch with each other and then the montessori school etc. was such a benefit. 

And then came the rapid growth of cell phones, the Blackberry, the first steps to tying us to the office and 24-7 work, the explosion of the Internet. It's all extremely useful, and now, sure, Internet connectivity has become necessary with the way business and technology have merged and grown interconnected, with whole business lines and sectors built around it, and of course all the more so in a Covid world, but man, there's a reason why going on a real vacation includes leaving your cell behind. And it's not like we couldn't function, at a high technological level, without the Internet or cell phones, it's just that the world is now so built around and integrated with that technology that you, now, have to use them. Sounds like an old man thing to say (maybe it is) but I miss the simpler days. 24-7 connectivity isn't all its cracked up to be.

[FritzIam4IU]

2 hours ago, Hoosierhoopster said:

Yeah I  hear you -- and also not trying to take your thread off the rails, but every now and then I think about how it really hasn't been that long since first the Internet and then cell phones took off and then took over. 

I mean I finished law school in the early 90s and was practicing for several years when I joined a large DC firm and that firm actually was outfitted with Macs (8 floors of attorneys all with Macs) all hooked up to the Internet. I was in my late 20s, and had never used it. It was still new and it was just a research tool. No online banking, no Facebook (btw, quick true story, Zuckerburg basically stole the name and foundation from Phillips Exeter, where he went to boarding school, they used Facebook, by that name, internally, the dude never goes back there....), no online shopping or sports sites like this. That was 1995-97. A few years later, probably around '98, I remember having my first cell phone, a flip phone -- no smart phones, no Internet on them, but a huge jump from the early clunky car phones of the late 80s , big boxes that sat in your car along with the roof antenna for reception -- my girlfriend, now wife, had one, and I used to call here an elitist for it, lol. The cell phone was great -- our first was born in '97, and being able to get in touch with each other and then the montessori school etc. was such a benefit. 

And then came the rapid growth of cell phones, the Blackberry, the first steps to tying us to the office and 24-7 work, the explosion of the Internet. It's all extremely useful, and now, sure, Internet connectivity has become necessary with the way business and technology have merged and grown interconnected, with whole business lines and sectors built around it, and of course all the more so in a Covid world, but man, there's a reason why going on a real vacation includes leaving your cell behind. And it's not like we couldn't function, at a high technological level, without the Internet or cell phones, it's just that the world is now so built around and integrated with that technology that you, now, have to use them. Sounds like an old man thing to say (maybe it is) but I miss the simpler days. 24-7 connectivity isn't all its cracked up to be.

Agree x1000. I just had a similar conversation with a friend of mine who I have known since high school. We are both on the wrong side of 40 now, and were saying how we miss the simpler times. Technology is all well and good...but when my wife texts me 10 times a day when we are both in the house...let's just say it makes me miss the 80s/90s ha.

[mrflynn03]

I got my ass whipped as a kid alot. Not sure if I deserved it. I dont remember the things I did wrong.  I remember one time getting whipped with an extension cord and another time with a 2x4.

But one day the time came, when I was older, and it came fisticuffs.  I didn't win, it was more of a draw because my stepdad is a very tough guy, but he met his match.

We got in a fistfight and I busted his nose and punted his nuts.  I had a bloody nose too.

But after that we both love and respect each other and he knows I can kick his ass. 

 

[KoB2011]

23 minutes ago, mrflynn03 said:

I got my ass whipped as a kid alot. Not sure if I deserved it. I dont remember the things I did wrong.  I remember one time getting whipped with an extension cord and another time with a 2x4.

But one day the time came, when I was older, and it came fisticuffs.  I didn't win, it was more of a draw because my stepdad is a very tough guy, but he met his match.

We got in a fistfight and I busted his nose and punted his nuts.  I had a bloody nose too.

But after that we both love and respect each other and he knows I can kick his ass. 

 

I'm really sorry that happened to you, that's awful. 

[mrflynn03]

10 minutes ago, KoB2011 said:

I'm really sorry that happened to you, that's awful. 

We do have a good relationship today and he has apologized profusely. And I am a very forgiving person. But growing up with a depressed mom and a bipolar stepdad isnt easy. And as much as I love my dad he was hard to deal with too sometimes.  

My grandpa was my rock. Without him who knows. 

Also, I would never physically punish a kid. I dont have any of my own, but if I did, a hard no.  

[IUFLA]

8 hours ago, mrflynn03 said:

I got my ass whipped as a kid alot. Not sure if I deserved it. I dont remember the things I did wrong.  I remember one time getting whipped with an extension cord and another time with a 2x4.

But one day the time came, when I was older, and it came fisticuffs.  I didn't win, it was more of a draw because my stepdad is a very tough guy, but he met his match.

We got in a fistfight and I busted his nose and punted his nuts.  I had a bloody nose too.

But after that we both love and respect each other and he knows I can kick his ass. 

 

 

7 hours ago, mrflynn03 said:

We do have a good relationship today and he has apologized profusely. And I am a very forgiving person. But growing up with a depressed mom and a bipolar stepdad isnt easy. And as much as I love my dad he was hard to deal with too sometimes.  

My grandpa was my rock. Without him who knows. 

Also, I would never physically punish a kid. I dont have any of my own, but if I did, a hard no.  

Yeah, that goes way beyond what I would call tough love. I had a trainee once that went through a lot of that and worse from his mother, who had a drug problem, and her never ending stream of drug addicted boyfriends. That's horrible stuff and my hat is off to you for enduring and forgiving. Most people wouldn't be that strong.

 

[mrflynn03]

5 minutes ago, IUFLA said:

 

Yeah, that goes way beyond what I would call tough love. I had a trainee once that went through a lot of that and worse from his mother, who had a drug problem, and her never ending stream of drug addicted boyfriends. That's horrible stuff and my hat is off to you for enduring and forgiving. Most people wouldn't be that strong.

 

Looking back I guess you could call it abuse. But it's a waste of my time and energy to think about it or hold a grudge.

A friend once told me, a foot in the past and a foot in the future is just pissing on today. Today may be all you have left. I'll never forget that. 

[BGleas]

On 10/24/2020 at 10:06 PM, IU Scott said:

It just shows that we can disagree on some things like we did earlier today but we can stay friends on this board.  As for the second comment I will stay quite as well.

Absolutely! We’re always good!