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What is your role in child development, being a grand parent?


Joe_Hoopsier
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Assuming you admit as a first time parent, you sucked at future planning, only because your were still trying to understand YOU and just love your child. 

Now you have means and experience, what is your role? How often do you go get a grandchild and take them with you to complete a task?

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20 hours ago, Joe_Hoopsier said:

Assuming you admit as a first time parent, you sucked at future planning, only because your were still trying to understand YOU and just love your child. 

Now you have means and experience, what is your roll? How often do you go get a grandchild and take them with you to complete a task?

I actually had 2 cracks at parenthood itself. My first 2 daughters were 11 and 10 when #3 came along...Learned so much with the first 2,and the third one reaped the benefits...

As far as my grandson goes, he lives over 700 miles away, but he knows the pecking order...Grandpa/Grandma> Mom and Dad :) 

Last time he was here, we were stapled at the hip...He'd help me with farm chores 100%...Great helper for a 6th grader...

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6 minutes ago, IUFLA said:

I actually had 2 cracks at parenthood itself. My first 2 daughters were 11 and 10 when #3 came along...Learned so much with the first 2,and the third one reaped the benefits...

As far as my grandson goes, he lives over 700 miles away, but he knows the pecking order...Grandpa/Grandma> Mom and Dad :) 

Last time he was here, we were stapled at the hip...He'd help me with farm chores 100%...Great helper for a 6th grader...

I actually think I'm a better grandparent than I was a parent. Like most, I think I learned and matured over time. I have nine grandchildren ranging in age from four to twenty-five. Four girls and five boys. Because of the spread in age, I have a different grandparent with each of them. I will say that I notice each of their personalities better than I did with my children. I try to provide a safe and fun environment for them when I have them. I don't sweat the small stuff as much as I did with my kids.

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This post was a product of me looking at me NOW, verses a parent to my kids. What I knew, what biases (as far a personal possibilities) I had, what I thought was "out of reach" and honestly didn't even know to at least reach to start with. I look at my wonderful kids (4/5 have been successful, but #5 is slower finding her way) and remember my thought process at their age and being a parent. I had absolutely zero idea of the possibilities, even though I knew "everything".

Well, my #2 daughter, mother of my #1 grand daughter, is doing a wonderful job being a mother, but even with her knowing what I started with and what I have been able to achieve, still is hesitant to push the Grand Daughter to REACH. Well, I stole the GD today for a Grampa day. It did include Ice cream (that's a gimmie duh), BUT... Just look at that next Commercial Airline pilot! 8 years old (5'1" but I can't talk her into loving IU basketball.... YET) and what started as scary, ended with "I SAW MY HOUSE that was so cool". I've now been shunned by the great grand parents, But the daughter is glad her kid did it. :)

  So the idea of this was to talk about; Now that you have all of this experience, what tools/ tricks/ conversations/ infurances do you use to expose your Grand kids to things that they should KNOW are within their reach, if they only know to extend an arm and try? 

Now a side note, shout out to #1 daughter and mother to #8 Granddaughter. Born 2 days ago, on her Great Grandmothers 83'rd Birthday and the day her Grandmother and I were married 33 yrs ago. I think I have time to introduce her to Space flight. :)  

 

 

   

Ari flight 1.jpg

evelyn first pic.jpg

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22 minutes ago, Joe_Hoopsier said:

  So the idea of this was to talk about; Now that you have all of this experience, what tools/ tricks/ conversations/ infurances do you use to expose your Grand kids to things that they should KNOW are within their reach, if they only know to extend an arm and try? 

Well, only having the one, and him having the parents he does, not much...

His Dad (my son in law) is probably one of the more gifted people I know...Very smart, but at the same time he can do practically anything....He's taught my grandson how to be a responsible kid while at the same time showed him how to do stuff like wire for electricity, work on cars (my SIL rebuilt his 73 Bronco from the ground up, by himself), anything construction related...He really is a man's man...And he's passing it on to his son...

Now, I have done stuff to nudge him toward the aviation field...Took him up to O'Hare tower for a look see (he thought that was way cool) a couple of years back...Bought him a drone...

But his parents have pretty well covered the important stuff...I get to be a 64 years old preteen sidekick with money ;) 

And your granddaughters are both beautiful...

Edited by IUFLA
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3 minutes ago, IUFLA said:

Well, only having the one, and him having the parents he does, not much...

His Dad (my son in law) is probably one of the more gifted people I know...Very smart, but at the same time he can do practically anything....He's taught my grandson how to be a responsible kid while at the same time showed him how to do stuff like wire for electricity, work on cars (my SIL rebuilt his 73 Bronco from the ground up, by himself), anything construction related...He really is a man's man...And he's passing it on to his son...

Now, I have done stuff to nudge him toward the aviation field...Took him up to O'Hare tower for a look see (he thought that was way cool) a couple of years back...Bought him a drone...

But his parents have pretty well covered the important stuff...I get to be a 64 years old preteen sidekick with money ;) 

And your granddaughters are both beautiful...

Dang it sounds like you raised a Daughter to find a keeper right there, and he even likes the correct make/type of vehicle! Keep it going Gramps! I just hope we older men expose these kids to as many things as possible, in a way that they know they can be a part of them, as possible.

We build the future through them !  

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Those girls look a lot like my granddaughters. I love them so much that I feel sad when they go home. As far as influence is concerned, I pick my spots. When I think one of them needs some perspective or a slight course correction, I'll try to provide that. Mostly, I try to let them know that I'm here and available if they need me. One of my grandsons was a D-1 football prospect. I sensed that he wasn't quite as into it as his parents were. I simply told him to remember that football was what he did, not who he was.

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Aside from the question, being a grandparent is such an added joy that it is really hard to explain. I've been at it for 25 years and have enjoyed every minute of it. My daughters have raised really good, respectful kids. I get to love them and do things with them and, for the most part, just be grandpa. My 25year old granddaughter has as spent every Christmas day at our house. She came once when her parents couldn't because of work obligations. That's how close we are. There is really nothing quite like being a grandparent.

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  • Joe_Hoopsier changed the title to What is your role in child development, being a grand parent?
16 hours ago, Joe_Hoopsier said:

This post was a product of me looking at me NOW, verses a parent to my kids. What I knew, what biases (as far a personal possibilities) I had, what I thought was "out of reach" and honestly didn't even know to at least reach to start with. I look at my wonderful kids (4/5 have been successful, but #5 is slower finding her way) and remember my thought process at their age and being a parent. I had absolutely zero idea of the possibilities, even though I knew "everything".

Well, my #2 daughter, mother of my #1 grand daughter, is doing a wonderful job being a mother, but even with her knowing what I started with and what I have been able to achieve, still is hesitant to push the Grand Daughter to REACH. Well, I stole the GD today for a Grampa day. It did include Ice cream (that's a gimmie duh), BUT... Just look at that next Commercial Airline pilot! 8 years old (5'1" but I can't talk her into loving IU basketball.... YET) and what started as scary, ended with "I SAW MY HOUSE that was so cool". I've now been shunned by the great grand parents, But the daughter is glad her kid did it. :)

  So the idea of this was to talk about; Now that you have all of this experience, what tools/ tricks/ conversations/ infurances do you use to expose your Grand kids to things that they should KNOW are within their reach, if they only know to extend an arm and try? 

Now a side note, shout out to #1 daughter and mother to #8 Granddaughter. Born 2 days ago, on her Great Grandmothers 83'rd Birthday and the day her Grandmother and I were married 33 yrs ago. I think I have time to introduce her to Space flight. :)  

 

 

   

Ari flight 1.jpg

evelyn first pic.jpg

Awesome to post. I cant add much we cant wait to be grandparents thats for sure. there is a big age difference between Ayden and his older siblings and we are so much more lenient with Ayden and the older 2 say they would have been killed, little exaggeration there, if they did some of the things he does but his medical issues I think made us different parents with him. I hate that we did enable him in a lot of ways but it was just so hard to be hard on someone that has so many struggles. I know this is not what you were intending. Beautiful grand kids that you have and spoil the heck out of them and I can't wait to do the same some day

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37 minutes ago, Billingsley99 said:

Awesome to post. I cant add much we cant wait to be grandparents thats for sure. there is a big age difference between Ayden and his older siblings and we are so much more lenient with Ayden and the older 2 say they would have been killed, little exaggeration there, if they did some of the things he does but his medical issues I think made us different parents with him. I hate that we did enable him in a lot of ways but it was just so hard to be hard on someone that has so many struggles. I know this is not what you were intending. Beautiful grand kids that you have and spoil the heck out of them and I can't wait to do the same some day

Oh my kids say the same thing! DAD, you would have killed us and I just reply... you're still not too old so shape up ! :)

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19 hours ago, IUFLA said:

Now, I have done stuff to nudge him toward the aviation field...Took him up to O'Hare tower for a look see (he thought that was way cool) a couple of years back...Bought him a drone...

I don't have grandkids yet but I was very conscious about having my boys experience things I never did as a child.  I have taken them boating, snowmobiling, ATVing, shooting and done a bunch of other stuff with them I wasn't exposed to until after college.

They did get to go up in the Sugar Grove air control tower but I think I appreciated that more than they did, lol. 

When they were real young, I would drive them to O'Hare to watch the planes take off and land then take the tram to the international terminal for McDonalds. Between the airport, railyard next door and highway drive their, they got their fix of planes, trains, and automobiles!

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13 minutes ago, Reacher said:

I don't have grandkids yet but I was very conscious about having my boys experience things I never did as a child.  I have taken them boating, snowmobiling, ATVing, shooting and done a bunch of other stuff with them I wasn't exposed to until after college.

They did get to go up in the Sugar Grove air control tower but I think I appreciated that more than they did, lol. 

When they were real young, I would drive them to O'Hare to watch the planes take off and land then take the tram to the international terminal for McDonalds. Between the airport, railyard next door and highway drive their, they got their fix of planes, trains, and automobiles!

The day I took my grandson up, they were having pizza...They offered, and he accepted...That helped my cause... :) 

That was the first thing he told my daughter..."They were eating pizza up there!" He liked the view of the Chicago skyline too...

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Far from a grandparent but I can tell you what I appreciate about my FIL and MIL along with my mom. They all have gifts. By that age they know themselves very well. They have a life time of experience and expertise to draw off of. The way they are willing to sit down and be patient and just LISTEN and talk and share that knowledge to a curious child. They have infinitely more time for this...they aren't in a hurry...they aren't busy with work (retired) they aren't trying to clean the house, laundry, walk the dogs, get dinner on, change the filters, fix the light, take the car to get maintenance amongst both parents working and being exhausted etc etc. They can just focus and spend time because that is all they have it's actually a gift. 

So my daughter is 2 1/2 and goes to a Montessori school (glamorized daycare lol) and our road is being widened and they have all the CAT equipment out there etc. She is in her car seat in the back and see's a bulldozer and dump truck etc and is asking what is that....what is that? I tell her it's bulldozer etc etc then finally I say that is an excavator. She is saying "oh" "oh"...not thinking anything of it. I only tell her once. So a month later my father in law is driving her home and he goes...oh there is a tractor! She says....."actually papa that is an excavator!" And he is like shocked and cracks up laughing...says you are exactly right!! Those little moments....I'm telling you kids pick up on things so fast...they learn so much. Every moment every bit you share with them they are like a sponge. Do it as often as you can! And don't take for granted they won't understand you....you would be surprised. Anyways its that stuff that makes being a parent so special and I'm sure a million more that make being a grandparent special. Just be involved and don't be afraid to share your gifts. My father in law was replacing a ceiling fan for us (he is was an electrician)...and she was his assistant for the day. She followed him around and helping hand him stuff. A week later I'm changing out a broken switch plate and I said I need to go get a screwdriver...and she asks "do you need a phillips daddy"?? Lol...I didn't I needed a flathead but I just laughed...then as I'm taking it off she says "stop daddy we have to flip the switch...i'm like what...thinking the light switch but she says no no and takes me to the garage...tells me to flip the switch in the metal box. I'm again just floored...and laughed ok. Probably wasn't necessary but I figured i'm not arguing with a 2 year old....anyways they are learning and taking it all in I promise...any way you can be involved...it will rub off I promise. My daughter is a daddy's girl but papa is very very close second...and I know he wouldn't change that for the world. That's my only advice from a parent to a grandparent. We work so hard and raising kids is so exhausting and life is so crazy and busy while you are doing it....when you get to be a grandparent...relish the time and priviledge of slowing down and enjoying it!

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6 minutes ago, dgambill said:

Far from a grandparent but I can tell you what I appreciate about my FIL and MIL along with my mom. They all have gifts. By that age they know themselves very well. They have a life time of experience and expertise to draw off of. The way they are willing to sit down and be patient and just LISTEN and talk and share that knowledge to a curious child. They have infinitely more time for this...they aren't in a hurry...they aren't busy with work (retired) they aren't trying to clean the house, laundry, walk the dogs, get dinner on, change the filters, fix the light, take the car to get maintenance amongst both parents working and being exhausted etc etc. They can just focus and spend time because that is all they have it's actually a gift. 

So my daughter is 2 1/2 and goes to a Montessori school (glamorized daycare lol) and our road is being widened and they have all the CAT equipment out there etc. She is in her car seat in the back and see's a bulldozer and dump truck etc and is asking what is that....what is that? I tell her it's bulldozer etc etc then finally I say that is an excavator. She is saying "oh" "oh"...not thinking anything of it. I only tell her once. So a month later my father in law is driving her home and he goes...oh there is a tractor! She says....."actually papa that is an excavator!" And he is like shocked and cracks up laughing...says you are exactly right!! Those little moments....I'm telling you kids pick up on things so fast...they learn so much. Every moment every bit you share with them they are like a sponge. Do it as often as you can! And don't take for granted they won't understand you....you would be surprised. Anyways its that stuff that makes being a parent so special and I'm sure a million more that make being a grandparent special. Just be involved and don't be afraid to share your gifts. My father in law was replacing a ceiling fan for us (he is was an electrician)...and she was his assistant for the day. She followed him around and helping hand him stuff. A week later I'm changing out a broken switch plate and I said I need to go get a screwdriver...and she asks "do you need a phillips daddy"?? Lol...I didn't I needed a flathead but I just laughed...then as I'm taking it off she says "stop daddy we have to flip the switch...i'm like what...thinking the light switch but she says no no and takes me to the garage...tells me to flip the switch in the metal box. I'm again just floored...and laughed ok. Probably wasn't necessary but I figured i'm not arguing with a 2 year old....anyways they are learning and taking it all in I promise...any way you can be involved...it will rub off I promise. My daughter is a daddy's girl but papa is very very close second...and I know he wouldn't change that for the world. That's my only advice from a parent to a grandparent. We work so hard and raising kids is so exhausting and life is so crazy and busy while you are doing it....when you get to be a grandparent...relish the time and priviledge of slowing down and enjoying it!

OMG on the Dozer and excavator topic, My (#6) GS is a few months over 2. He is totally into his dozers and trucks and cranes and..... We've probably got 50 of those things he plays with. He watches a lot of You tube for kids videos and has all of his construction equipment shows marked. 

A couple weeks ago we were playing with an excavator and a little pile of gravel. He said he was making a road so I said are you smoothing it out with your dozer? He stopped, looked up with that "hey dip stick" look and said, NOOO, we use a roller for that Grampa! Then he starts Rolling it out and stops, says ooops, we have a flat tire and then starts to pretend to change it. .. 2 yrs old....

I love these kids ! lol  

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12 minutes ago, Joe_Hoopsier said:

OMG on the Dozer and excavator topic, My (#6) GS is a few months over 2. He is totally into his dozers and trucks and cranes and..... We've probably got 50 of those things he plays with. He watches a lot of You tube for kids videos and has all of his construction equipment shows marked. 

A couple weeks ago we were playing with an excavator and a little pile of gravel. He said he was making a road so I said are you smoothing it out with your dozer? He stopped, looked up with that "hey dip stick" look and said, NOOO, we use a roller for that Grampa! Then he starts Rolling it out and stops, says ooops, we have a flat tire and then starts to pretend to change it. .. 2 yrs old....

I love these kids ! lol  

I love it!! Stuff they learn man....I probably had no clue at their age. I mean whether it is just in the kitchen learning to cook, playing with toys, or watching a youtube video lol. It's all learning opportunities...and most importantly its all chances to enjoy their blessings! Took her to school this morning and she was counting as I was going down the road....1, then later2, 3 and 4 and finally 5....I said what are you counting....."Excavators"....of COURSE!!! MADE MY MONDAY MORNING SO MUCH BETTER!!! Just all these things they say and do that makes our day better. (discounting the stuff that doesn't of course lol)  If I'm a grandparent I'm monopolizing as much time as I can get!!

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3 hours ago, Joe_Hoopsier said:

OMG on the Dozer and excavator topic, My (#6) GS is a few months over 2. He is totally into his dozers and trucks and cranes and..... We've probably got 50 of those things he plays with. He watches a lot of You tube for kids videos and has all of his construction equipment shows marked. 

A couple weeks ago we were playing with an excavator and a little pile of gravel. He said he was making a road so I said are you smoothing it out with your dozer? He stopped, looked up with that "hey dip stick" look and said, NOOO, we use a roller for that Grampa! Then he starts Rolling it out and stops, says ooops, we have a flat tire and then starts to pretend to change it. .. 2 yrs old....

I love these kids ! lol  

Somewhere I saw this and copied it. I made a wooden box with a wire and mesh bottom into a pint sized table. Filled it with cracked corn. My boys had all their John Deeres in there and played with it for 3 or 4 summers. No sandy mess and I could feed the deer at the end of the season. That was until the IDNR warned me about Chronic Wasting disease!

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5 minutes ago, Reacher said:

Somewhere I saw this and copied it. I made a wooden box with a wire and mesh bottom into a pint sized table. Filled it with cracked corn. My boys had all their John Deeres in there and played with it for 3 or 4 summers. No sandy mess and I could feed the deer at the end of the season. That was until the IDNR warned me about Chronic Wasting disease!

Yep and it's that time of year to get a fresh supply! Oh the hours I spent as a kid playing with that same thing!

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I started reflecting on this topic a bit last night, looking at my own childhood and situation. 

I never knew either of my grandfathers. Both had passed away before I was born. I barely remember my paternal grandmother (she passed away when I was 4). My maternal grandmother lived until I was in my 20s, but she was a bit mentally unstable and was just a mean spirited person. I always envied my friends when I'd see them with their grandparents. The interaction always seemed so right.

My Mom and Dad were great people who instilled work ethic and honesty. My Dad was a great guy, who worked very hard, but he'd had to quit school when he was 12 because his father had died and he had to help support his mother (so much for those that say kids today have it rougher than previous generations). He did ok, and was a good provider, but he never valued education. To him, it was work ethic and how well you did the job you had. As long as he was putting a roof over our heads and food in our mouths, he didn't see the need to reach higher. That's where I think this ties into @Joe_Hoopsier's original question.

I remember talking to him about college when I was in high school. He told me they couldn't send me, so I'd have to work my way through, but he thought I'd be better off getting a job in a factory, working hard, and moving up the chain just like he did. 

I tried that for 5 years. I found myself in the cycle of getting by, moving up little by little. But there was a ceiling, and even if I got there, I still wouldn't be what I called successful.

The seminal moment in my life came when I joined the USAF. That move is responsible for pretty much everything I have today. Great family, great job, great benefits...and it helped me achieve my version of the "American Dream." The hard work helped, but I also realized how much higher I could go. Maybe a grandfather would have pushed me farther earlier in my life. Who knows?

Just thoughts on a Tuesday morning...

 

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2 hours ago, IUFLA said:

I started reflecting on this topic a bit last night, looking at my own childhood and situation. 

I never knew either of my grandfathers. Both had passed away before I was born. I barely remember my paternal grandmother (she passed away when I was 4). My maternal grandmother lived until I was in my 20s, but she was a bit mentally unstable and was just a mean spirited person. I always envied my friends when I'd see them with their grandparents. The interaction always seemed so right.

My Mom and Dad were great people who instilled work ethic and honesty. My Dad was a great guy, who worked very hard, but he'd had to quit school when he was 12 because his father had died and he had to help support his mother (so much for those that say kids today have it rougher than previous generations). He did ok, and was a good provider, but he never valued education. To him, it was work ethic and how well you did the job you had. As long as he was putting a roof over our heads and food in our mouths, he didn't see the need to reach higher. That's where I think this ties into @Joe_Hoopsier's original question.

I remember talking to him about college when I was in high school. He told me they couldn't send me, so I'd have to work my way through, but he thought I'd be better off getting a job in a factory, working hard, and moving up the chain just like he did. 

I tried that for 5 years. I found myself in the cycle of getting by, moving up little by little. But there was a ceiling, and even if I got there, I still wouldn't be what I called successful.

The seminal moment in my life came when I joined the USAF. That move is responsible for pretty much everything I have today. Great family, great job, great benefits...and it helped me achieve my version of the "American Dream." The hard work helped, but I also realized how much higher I could go. Maybe a grandfather would have pushed me farther earlier in my life. Who knows?

Just thoughts on a Tuesday morning...

 

My grandfather went to school until he was in 8th grade. My father finished high school. I have a degree.....but they all insisted that education was important. I think they all saw where it limited themselves. I look at my degree and I know I'm going to instill the value of focusing on getting a degree in a specialized field (medicine/engineering etc). That said...still important to model and instill the value of good ol hard work. I know the thing that sharpened my focus in education. So I spent most my youth mowing lawns, detasseling corn and picking melons. That wasn't too bad. Then when I was 18 going into college I spent that whole summer roofing. OMG....my back and my arms ached! I looked around and all these guys in their 40's and 50's and they looked 10 years older than they were and they all had bad backs etc. Not that there is anything wrong with it but I knew then I didn't want that for my future. Worked all through college. Never been afraid to clean up a bathroom, pick up trash, sweep, unload a truck delivery all that stuff even when I had worked my way up in management. Wanted everyone to know that worked with or under me that being afraid of a little hard work will not get you anywhere. Most things successful in my life came from those men in my life I looked up to and the work ethic and mentorship as much as the education that opened the doors....the work ethic got me through them. 

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1 hour ago, dgambill said:

My grandfather went to school until he was in 8th grade. My father finished high school. I have a degree.....but they all insisted that education was important. I think they all saw where it limited themselves. I look at my degree and I know I'm going to instill the value of focusing on getting a degree in a specialized field (medicine/engineering etc). That said...still important to model and instill the value of good ol hard work. I know the thing that sharpened my focus in education. So I spent most my youth mowing lawns, detasseling corn and picking melons. That wasn't too bad. Then when I was 18 going into college I spent that whole summer roofing. OMG....my back and my arms ached! I looked around and all these guys in their 40's and 50's and they looked 10 years older than they were and they all had bad backs etc. Not that there is anything wrong with it but I knew then I didn't want that for my future. Worked all through college. Never been afraid to clean up a bathroom, pick up trash, sweep, unload a truck delivery all that stuff even when I had worked my way up in management. Wanted everyone to know that worked with or under me that being afraid of a little hard work will not get you anywhere. Most things successful in my life came from those men in my life I looked up to and the work ethic and mentorship as much as the education that opened the doors....the work ethic got me through them. 

Very similar situation with us.  I did 2 years of roofing for my uncle and was making good money for a young man but I was too tired to really enjoy it and with a bad knee already it was not good. Education was the only way out. I grew up in generation poverty and did not want that for my family. I was asked if I was going to college growing up and I ask our kids what college are you going to and expect the same from our grand kids one day. 

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I was thankfully given the work ethic and to always look to climb/ advance/ do more... I got an associates in a skill at a trade school and used that for a bit, but found myself moving on to other things. It seemed that my next steps used "theory" of what I gained from the Associates, but not the actual tools. I found myself hitting a ceiling that I was not happy with. At 41, I went back and finished my Bachelors. That allowed me to break through the ceiling, to do exactly what I was going WITHOUT the Bachelors but get paid more.

That is just my personal story. As my GK's start to get older, I want them to know there is more to it than Work ethics and there is more to it than education. I want to expand their visibility to wide possibilities while combining the two above.

Thanks for the conversation folks.  

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You know, it's funny. My Mom and Dad didn't want me to join the military when I told them my plan. My Dad had served 4 years when he was drafted right after WW2 and just before Korea broke out. He said I'd be miserable...

All of my friends told me I was nuts, too...

Sometimes you just have to listen to yourself...

 

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