Dad jokes

[Steubenhoosier]

If you are a dad, or in my case, a dad and a grandad, you’re always looking for new “groaners “ to get the kids’ eyes rolling as far back as possible. Please add any kid friendly jokes so we can all build our repertoire.

Here’s a start...

Famous Spanish magician. “For my last trick, on the count of three, I’ll make this rabbit disappear. “ “Uno, dos”... poof, it’s gone.

Vanished without a tres...

Okay, who can help an old guy out?

[IUFLA]

A guy takes his dog to a talent scout and says, "This dog can talk!"

The talent scout says, "Well, let's hear him."

The guy says, "Ok Rover, how does sandpaper feel?"

To which Rover replies, "Ruff, ruff."

"Ok Rover, what's on top of a house?"

"Roof, roof."

"Ok Rover, who was the greatest Yankee?"

"Ruth, Ruth"

The talent scout says, "Get out of here!" And throws them out on the sidewalk.

Rover looks at his owner and says, "Jeter?"

[mrflynn03]

Not really a dad joke but when I was a kid my dad asked me to read what the stop ahead road sign said one day. When I did he put his hand on my forehead and pinned it against the seat. 

Anytime I read the sign after that I got my head stopped. 

[Billingsley99]

I hear my wife in the other room yelling at the TV so I assume she is watching a game. Then she yells, "Don't do it, don't do it!!!" Then I hear, "Don't go into the bleeping Church you Moron."  I once again assume she is watching a scary movie. I walk into the living room to see my wife watching our Wedding Video.

[Zlinedavid]

A rabbi, a priest, a nun, a salesman, a horse, a bum, a gorilla, a unicorn, a duck, a panda, a dog and Satan all walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"