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Work Quotes and other offcolor quotes


Drroogh

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So, a co-worker who is originally from Wisconsin, has over the years built a list of quotes from our Southern Brethren co-workers. Today he sent over an updated list. Presented here for your reading enjoyment!

Quote
" I daknow dat guy from Adam's housecat."
"Whaduya thank, wa're Burga Kang down hare! Ya'll kayn't hay'v everthang ya'lls way"!
"That's a pretty big seat that he won't be able to fill"
"Dats lika rattlesnayk wita brokted off tayl"
"That thing will blow the hare off a dawg"
"Sitround and git tight-asa tic"
" The densification of the foam….."
"Good mornin' frawg lips, dis isyer hero talkin'"

"Yeh right! - Melton will retire right after he starts workin"

 

(Melton is my boss who is actually the originator of probably 85% of these quotes, Great Guy and Great boss, but definitely a character from Alabama!)

 

"I've gotch ya'll hed tuu hed lika coupla sho dawgs"
"I said two days notch, but I didn't say starting from what day!!"
"Every assumption I have ever made about how this place should run, has been wrong!"
"I dun walk back many a year,  whens I step tru da door here."
"Da only taim ya'll wilt ever sees me a smokin again, is if I dunn catch on fore!!"
"I'm sure glad I don't work for…… anymore; - Cause he knows everything"
"You might be the head of the house, but your wife is the neck!"
"This farming stuff out, is getting to be a lot of work" (Outsourcing)
"Dat thang is lika da bottum of da ocean, its flat asa flitter"
"I don't wana hear any of dis " It's close Business"…...and ah…...But ah!"
" JOHN BLAIN….????
"Fintegrity - +/- 0.2mm"
"Anytang is doable, just pends on how ya'll do it"
"Wen it come toa freed meal, ain't nuttin stannin tween me an dem grosserees!
"Whar ever dar's a crack…you's follar it"
"CMM  -  Capital Mis-Management"  
"Dis ain't duh probum….duh probum is da solushun"
"Hez got is butt ina crack, an heez tryin' to get id out"
"Ya'll cain't maka silk purse outuva sow's ear"
"She'll worry da horns offa birrygoat"
"I'll slap da shine offa dat head"
"Dem wings do wurk, ya jusgotta flapum"
"Dats average as grits"
" Let's put dat worm in da water an see how it swims!"
" It's like a freight train getting ready ta take a dirt road"
"I goes whar I want to, Im kinda like da office dawg"
" Let it sink like a jellyfish"
" Is that Mike-anese?"
" Throwing rocks and then running in the house"
" All he'll do is a roof watch during a tornado"
" Ya jus gotta kick da dog that bit cha"
"Like a bead in a buket"
"This is it right here Rosco', don't even bother lookin'
I'm on it Like a Rat on a Cheeto'
"after workin here at ….  I know exactly how Sisyphus felt"
" yeah, dat cat don’t got a climbin tree"
I don’t think he's got nuff sense ta tote a bucket a water up a hill"
The best part a him run down his daddy's leg
Like a fox sniffin roun da henhouse
If you all gonna be stupid, you'd better be tough.
I don’t wanna haf ta jump through da fiery hoops a hell again
It's jus like a pancake, it's got two sides.
if if's and but's were candy and nuts, it would be christmas all year long.
If ya paint y"alls picture with water colors, ya don’t need to piss on y'alls work
 dares nordern shuga an dares southern shuga.Unlike dem nordern boys,we southern boys knows how ta grine ar cane.
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Here are a few from my job. Remember I am a teacher. 

 

“Do we have to spell this right on the spelling test?” 

Student: “Have you been to that one place where that one girl was killed?”

long awkward silence

Me: “No, I haven’t made it there yet.”

Student: “It’s cool you should go.”  

“Mom and Dad got in a fight this morning because Mom dyed her hair blonde and Dad said it made her look like a hooker.”

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The required phraseology for a PAR (Precision Approach Radar) prior to an aircraft beginning final descent:

"Approaching glidepath, wheels should be down"

A good friend of mine running a PAR on his final day in the USAF:

"Approaching the glide, prepare to slide, booties should be down and laced."

 

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The background on my often unused 2nd monitor has this as a background:

"Chaos is the law of nature. Order is the dream of man."

Translation is the old military operations quote: even the best plans don't survive first contact. Don't fear it, embrace it. Chaos is when you learn the most.

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Back when (2013) we were trying to implement new air traffic software where I work, somebody wrote down on a white board exchanges between the controller and software engineers for posterity. I checked and they were still there today...

 

20190805_121313.jpg

20190805_121321.jpg

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1 hour ago, Steubenhoosier said:

Sign in the break room at my office--

"Coffee is for closers"

No one here to enforce that rule, so in fact checking that statement, I'd say it is inaccurate. 

Heck, anyone can have coffee

Kind of along the lines of...."Sprinkles are for winners."

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Not really a work quote but me and one of my coworkers once called the office secretary, who was hispanic and barely adequately spoke English, to page Richard Cranium to one of the production areas.  

Afterwards there was a lot of, so and so is being a real Richard today. 

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Remember there was a message written on one of the bathroom stalls, near the electrical engineering department. Complete with an artistic replication of a satellite dish sending messages to the universe "186,282 miles per second, not just a good idea, but the law!"

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29 minutes ago, mrflynn03 said:

Not really a work quote but me and one of my coworkers once called the office secretary, who was hispanic and barely adequately spoke English, to page Richard Cranium to one of the production areas.  

Afterwards there was a lot of, so and so is being a real Richard today. 

So had a co-worker who went by Dick, (known for his dry humor) one day I was asking our office manager , (next to Dick's cubicle), about something. She answered, "well Dick Knows" to which he immediately replied " I can't believe you just let her call you that!" needless to say she was completely embarrassed but also laughing. Gone are the days of off color jokes in this day and age of PC! 

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46 minutes ago, mrflynn03 said:

Not really a work quote but me and one of my coworkers once called the office secretary, who was hispanic and barely adequately spoke English, to page Richard Cranium to one of the production areas.  

Afterwards there was a lot of, so and so is being a real Richard today. 

Well she could have paged Mike Hunt!!!!!!

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30 minutes ago, Drroogh said:

So had a co-worker who went by Dick, (known for his dry humor) one day I was asking our office manager , (next to Dick's cubicle), about something. She answered, "well Dick Knows" to which he immediately replied " I can't believe you just let her call you that!" needless to say she was completely embarrassed but also laughing. Gone are the days of off color jokes in this day and age of PC! 

Oh in my office they're alive and well.

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