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Social media is slowly killing us


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About a month ago, I got turned down for a promotion at work. I was devastated. I've worked at this place for 10 years, been through a ton of ups and downs, seen countless co-workers come and go. My manager had been there for about the last 4 years, and had been aware of my interest in this job for about a year or so. We both knew the person in that job would be retiring soon, but didn't know exactly when. He informed me of this person's retirement within minutes of finding out about it this past summer. He got my interview set up soon after. Then, after a lengthy interview in which he raved about all the great things I could do here, even saying "I know you can do this job," he hired someone from the outside with zero experience in the field. 

 

What does this have to do with social media? As I mentioned, this all went down over a month ago. My anger has faded to disappointment and a dull apathy as I currently look for new jobs. But I get up this morning, sit down to breakfast, check my Facebook page, and the first post I see in my news feed is a picture of the person who got the job over me, smugly sitting in the chair that would have been mine with a shit-eating grin, and my employer saying "welcome to the family" while hundreds of people like the post and dozens leave comments with congratulations. 

 

I hate social media and what it's done to our lives. I hate how we've become so dependent on it. I hate how it's been manipulated to divide us and make us angry. Just when I'm finally getting over a huge disappointment, my addiction to Facebook brings it all back into focus when I should have put it behind me by now. 

 

This is what social media is doing to us, whether we realize it or not. We always think we can give it up at any time, but we can't. Even if we spend a few days away from it, something big happens and we're scrambling to catch up with everyone else who found out about it first. We now live in a world where we HAVE to be active on the Internet, HAVE to engage with people, because if we don't, others will instead and we'll be left behind. 

 

I remember when I was a kid, I'd eat my breakfast before school in the mornings while reading the sports page. I'm glad I wasn't born 20 years later, because some kids today probably start their days off like I did today. Only for them, it's probably stupid crap kids deal with at school, but in the pre-social media age, never had to hear about away from school. Social media is slowly rotting our brains and turning us into bitter, cynical, even paranoid people. This is what we are now, and there's no going back. 

 

Rant over. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. 

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I still get the local daily newspaper.  It used to be that any time I come across a story I think one of my kids (currently 18 & 16) would be interested, I would show it to them, thinking they would take the paper, sit down, and read the story.

They never would give it more than a 2- second glance  But, they can stare at TikTok or Snapchat for hours at a time.

I have since given up.

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GREAT post, but I’m sorry for why you made it. That has to sting a lot. 

I’ve found that deleting Facebook has been one of the best decisions I have made in my adult life. It’s such a lowest common denominator race to the bottom. Constantly seeking or pushing outrage. I was pretty addicted to Twitter, but noticed it was really upping my anxiety and anger. I walked away from Twitter and deleted my account eith a very healthy number of followers. 

I’m down to Instagram, here, and several sub-Reddits on Reddit. The latter are all very interest-focused - no politics, no fake outrage. 

I do think social media is making us more ignorant, impatient, and mean. 

Even here, I REALLY disagree with a lot of posters on a lot of issues, but I also realize we have something in common. I cannot stand to even open my computer when @Reachertalks about politics, but on a gardening or family thread I can support him or talk with him like a rational human being. 

We are all coming at things from different directions and the world is a freaking mess right now. I cherish this place and all of you. Sorry to call you out Reacher. 

And as @5fouls says, I love my morning paper and my gardening and bicycle magazines. Slow paper based media FTW!

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HSN is the extent of my social media...

I guess I'm not missing anything 😉 

BTW, @TheWatShot, truly wishing you better luck as far as the job goes... 

The old adage is true... It's not what happens when you get knocked down... What matters is what you do when you get up... 

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I don't have much to add other than people have non existent attention spans. 

I don't do social media outside of HSN.

Having anti-social personality disorder any social interaction is a chore for me and social media society is definitely not helpful. 

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Funny story that had me asking what has social media done to us?

Somebody created a neighborhood facebook page with good intentions. After all, we are neighbors and should respect each other. A few disgruntled boomers wrote 2 different posts complaining about the HOA. Without any knowledge of how the HOA board works or seeing a budget started complaining in a degrading manner, accusing the board of embezzling funds, etc. FYI, the board consists of neighbors volunteering their time. And not one of these posters knew the people on the board and/or approached them (or the management company) with their concerns. 

Do people not know how to communicate (to their own neighbors!) in a respectful manner any more? Why do they automatically think the worst or something sinister is going on when it doesn't match up with a perception they convinced themselves of without any evidence? (Again, a quick look at the budget, which every person in the neighborhood receives - explains in detail the revenue we collect and the expenses it's used for). It's like social media is conditioning people to be a tough guy from the safe place, that is behind their keyboard.

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52 minutes ago, tdhoosier said:

Funny story that had me asking what has social media done to us?

Somebody created a neighborhood facebook page with good intentions. After all, we are neighbors and should respect each other. A few disgruntled boomers wrote 2 different posts complaining about the HOA. Without any knowledge of how the HOA board works or seeing a budget started complaining in a degrading manner, accusing the board of embezzling funds, etc. FYI, the board consists of neighbors volunteering their time. And not one of these posters knew the people on the board and/or approached them (or the management company) with their concerns. 

Do people not know how to communicate (to their own neighbors!) in a respectful manner any more? Why do they automatically think the worst or something sinister is going on when it doesn't match up with a perception they convinced themselves of without any evidence? (Again, a quick look at the budget, which every person in the neighborhood receives - explains in detail the revenue we collect and the expenses it's used for). It's like social media is conditioning people to be a tough guy from the safe place, that is behind their keyboard.

I don't know how an HOA comes about but I'm assuming they either purchased a home that was already part of an HOA or had the option to vote on the implementation?  

Sounds like they didn't understand what an HOA is or chose to complain rather than move. 

But yeah, a lot of internet tough guys out there. It's easy to be mean and disrespectful when you don't risk getting hit in the face. 

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37 minutes ago, mrflynn03 said:

I don't know how an HOA comes about but I'm assuming they either purchased a home that was already part of an HOA or had the option to vote on the implementation?  

Sounds like they didn't understand what an HOA is or chose to complain rather than move. 

But yeah, a lot of internet tough guys out there. It's easy to be mean and disrespectful when you don't risk getting hit in the face. 

They moved into it. 

A lot of the misunderstanding is simple math. haha. We primarily use it to pay for neighborhood upkeep: landscaping/lawncare of common areas, fixing sidewalks, etc. The HOA is very minimal when compared to other bigger communities with clubhouses and pools. We carry over maybe $5-$10k in reserves in a good year. So people who don't look at a budget or who aren't good at math are asking: "with all the money I pay(only $33/month x 190 homes) why can't we have a pool?" And when they learn that we can't afford it based on how the current dues are set, they automatically think somebody is embezzling money. 

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1 hour ago, mrflynn03 said:

I don't know how an HOA comes about but I'm assuming they either purchased a home that was already part of an HOA or had the option to vote on the implementation?  

Sounds like they didn't understand what an HOA is or chose to complain rather than move. 

But yeah, a lot of internet tough guys out there. It's easy to be mean and disrespectful when you don't risk getting hit in the face. 

When we first moved to Chicagoland we rented a townhouse with an HOA...

I would never buy a house that had one... 

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6 minutes ago, IUFLA said:

When we first moved to Chicagoland we rented a townhouse with an HOA...

I would never buy a house that had one... 

I understand the concept but seems you have to rely too much on human nature, which could work out great or not so great. 

I know enough to know it's not my preference.  

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As for social media, when Facebook first started I was in college and an account required a university email address. They day I quit using it was when I received a friend request from my mom. 

I was skeptical of it early on. Seems my suspicions weren't unfounded. 

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On 10/11/2022 at 2:54 PM, TheWatShot said:

About a month ago, I got turned down for a promotion at work. I was devastated. I've worked at this place for 10 years, been through a ton of ups and downs, seen countless co-workers come and go. My manager had been there for about the last 4 years, and had been aware of my interest in this job for about a year or so. We both knew the person in that job would be retiring soon, but didn't know exactly when. He informed me of this person's retirement within minutes of finding out about it this past summer. He got my interview set up soon after. Then, after a lengthy interview in which he raved about all the great things I could do here, even saying "I know you can do this job," he hired someone from the outside with zero experience in the field. 

 

What does this have to do with social media? As I mentioned, this all went down over a month ago. My anger has faded to disappointment and a dull apathy as I currently look for new jobs. But I get up this morning, sit down to breakfast, check my Facebook page, and the first post I see in my news feed is a picture of the person who got the job over me, smugly sitting in the chair that would have been mine with a shit-eating grin, and my employer saying "welcome to the family" while hundreds of people like the post and dozens leave comments with congratulations. 

 

I hate social media and what it's done to our lives. I hate how we've become so dependent on it. I hate how it's been manipulated to divide us and make us angry. Just when I'm finally getting over a huge disappointment, my addiction to Facebook brings it all back into focus when I should have put it behind me by now. 

 

This is what social media is doing to us, whether we realize it or not. We always think we can give it up at any time, but we can't. Even if we spend a few days away from it, something big happens and we're scrambling to catch up with everyone else who found out about it first. We now live in a world where we HAVE to be active on the Internet, HAVE to engage with people, because if we don't, others will instead and we'll be left behind. 

 

I remember when I was a kid, I'd eat my breakfast before school in the mornings while reading the sports page. I'm glad I wasn't born 20 years later, because some kids today probably start their days off like I did today. Only for them, it's probably stupid crap kids deal with at school, but in the pre-social media age, never had to hear about away from school. Social media is slowly rotting our brains and turning us into bitter, cynical, even paranoid people. This is what we are now, and there's no going back. 

 

Rant over. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. 

I just want to say I’m sorry the way that happened. There isn’t words that can fix or make better what you have experienced. Whether we have social media or not it is incredibly hard to go through what you are each and every day. I personally got rid of all my social media because I don’t need the negativity. I have a lot of personal beliefs and opinions that probably aren’t appropriate to be laid out on here but if you are feeling like you just need to air out your feelings or just talk to someone please feel free to DM me. 

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3 hours ago, tdhoosier said:

They moved into it. 

A lot of the misunderstanding is simple math. haha. We primarily use it to pay for neighborhood upkeep: landscaping/lawncare of common areas, fixing sidewalks, etc. The HOA is very minimal when compared to other bigger communities with clubhouses and pools. We carry over maybe $5-$10k in reserves in a good year. So people who don't look at a budget or who aren't good at math are asking: "with all the money I pay(only $33/month x 190 homes) why can't we have a pool?" And when they learn that we can't afford it based on how the current dues are set, they automatically think somebody is embezzling money. 

My problem with HOAs is that they seem to like lawns. A LOT.

Lawns are the biggest waste of space after parking lots. 

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I've always had a love/hate relationship with social media. Seeing everyone's business all the time can definitely inspire negative feelings for an average person and it is worse if you have issues with depression.

I keep my Facebook only because there are certain people on there that it is the only medium I keep in touch with them.

Message boards, it is easy to get angry about things you see posted. I keep trying to remind myself it would be a lot different if I was meeting a person face-to-face and discussing over a cold brew but man it is so easy to just type words on a screen and hit submit and so much of the real social interaction is lost there. You can lose sight of the fact you are dealing with a real person who maybe just thinks differently than you and is not trying to instigate any kind of personal battle with you.

 

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11 hours ago, mrflynn03 said:

Wait. People don't turn their lawns into gardens?

Wish more people would. Or at least let some wildflowers bloom. There are few things more boring to look at for me than a big green lawn. 

It also takes a ridiculous amount of unnecessary upkeep. 

My wife’s parent’s place in MD is a beautiful house on the water with nice landscaping surrounding the house in a 6 foot border. After that it’s endless lawn and when we visit during the summer, the most common sound you hear is landscapers all day from 8-4. It’s a symphony of unnecessary gas-powered tools attacking every lawn on the street. 

I know it’s the norm, but why? It’s not like kids are playing on these lawns. And they always have to put up the signs saying to keep dogs and children off the law for 48 hours b/c of chemicals. WTF? That’s just insane. 

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5 minutes ago, Lostin76 said:

Wish more people would. Or at least let some wildflowers bloom. There are few things more boring to look at for me than a big green lawn. 

It also takes a ridiculous amount of unnecessary upkeep. 

My wife’s parent’s place in MD is a beautiful house on the water with nice landscaping surrounding the house in a 6 foot border. After that it’s endless lawn and when we visit during the summer, the most common sound you hear is landscapers all day from 8-4. It’s a symphony of unnecessary gas-powered tools attacking every lawn on the street. 

I know it’s the norm, but why? It’s not like kids are playing on these lawns. And they always have to put up the signs saying to keep dogs and children off the law for 48 hours b/c of chemicals. WTF? That’s just insane. 

You would love my neighbors.  They have a fenced in yard and let their horses graze in it!  No lawnmower sounds coming from their property.

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20 hours ago, tdhoosier said:

Funny story that had me asking what has social media done to us?

Somebody created a neighborhood facebook page with good intentions. After all, we are neighbors and should respect each other. A few disgruntled boomers wrote 2 different posts complaining about the HOA. Without any knowledge of how the HOA board works or seeing a budget started complaining in a degrading manner, accusing the board of embezzling funds, etc. FYI, the board consists of neighbors volunteering their time. And not one of these posters knew the people on the board and/or approached them (or the management company) with their concerns. 

Do people not know how to communicate (to their own neighbors!) in a respectful manner any more? Why do they automatically think the worst or something sinister is going on when it doesn't match up with a perception they convinced themselves of without any evidence? (Again, a quick look at the budget, which every person in the neighborhood receives - explains in detail the revenue we collect and the expenses it's used for). It's like social media is conditioning people to be a tough guy from the safe place, that is behind their keyboard.

I'm a HOA board member as well. We have a FB page but I'm not on it.

19 hours ago, mrflynn03 said:

I don't know how an HOA comes about but I'm assuming they either purchased a home that was already part of an HOA or had the option to vote on the implementation?  

Sounds like they didn't understand what an HOA is or chose to complain rather than move. 

But yeah, a lot of internet tough guys out there. It's easy to be mean and disrespectful when you don't risk getting hit in the face. 

From my experience, the builder of the community adopts it to maintain the common areas and uphold some level of standards for the homes.

18 hours ago, IUFLA said:

When we first moved to Chicagoland we rented a townhouse with an HOA...

I would never buy a house that had one... 

My wife HATES it that she cannot build a She-shed. Saved me some $ and time building it however.

15 hours ago, Lostin76 said:

My problem with HOAs is that they seem to like lawns. A LOT.

Lawns are the biggest waste of space after parking lots. 

No lawns for ours. Just a little grass. Mostly beds around the monuments at the front and a strip in the road with some trees, bushes and flowers.

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Yeah, HOA is definitely not for me. I just recently won a 3 month battle with my town over a supposed ordinance violation.  They weren't following the general assemblies guidelines for enforcement and I called them out on it. 

They wanted to stick me with a $250 fine for bags of building scrap and a couple old chairs in the back of my truck. At the time they wrote the ticket and final notice I was in compliance well within the 10 days they didn't allow me because the dumbassess dated the final notice and ticket on the same day. They threatened to take it to court and I said bring it.  

I was polite at first but they kept pushing. So I finally told them some things they could do to themselves that I can't repeat here. 

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4 hours ago, rico said:

You would love my neighbors.  They have a fenced in yard and let their horses graze in it!  No lawnmower sounds coming from their property.

Perfect - the horses and the pollinators must love that.

3 hours ago, Reacher said:

I'm a HOA board member as well. We have a FB page but I'm not on it.

From my experience, the builder of the community adopts it to maintain the common areas and uphold some level of standards for the homes.

My wife HATES it that she cannot build a She-shed. Saved me some $ and time building it however.

No lawns for ours. Just a little grass. Mostly beds around the monuments at the front and a strip in the road with some trees, bushes and flowers.

The bushes and flowers are so much nicer. 

1 hour ago, mrflynn03 said:

Yeah, HOA is definitely not for me. I just recently won a 3 month battle with my town over a supposed ordinance violation.  They weren't following the general assemblies guidelines for enforcement and I called them out on it. 

They wanted to stick me with a $250 fine for bags of building scrap and a couple old chairs in the back of my truck. At the time they wrote the ticket and final notice I was in compliance well within the 10 days they didn't allow me because the dumbassess dated the final notice and ticket on the same day. They threatened to take it to court and I said bring it.  

I was polite at first but they kept pushing. So I finally told them some things they could do to themselves that I can't repeat here. 

Good for you! I know there are reasons why HOAs exist, but I wouldn’t live with one. 

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