Drroogh Posted November 21, 2023 Report Share Posted November 21, 2023 The Genius of Steven Wright: 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popu, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work Borrowed from the FB pages of WH pal, Laura Sebourn Terpening. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IUFLA Posted November 23, 2023 Report Share Posted November 23, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe_Hoopsier Posted November 23, 2023 Report Share Posted November 23, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drroogh Posted November 25, 2023 Report Share Posted November 25, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted November 25, 2023 Report Share Posted November 25, 2023 14 hours ago, Drroogh said: Go with the white. You might inadvertently pee in the yellow.... 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drroogh Posted November 26, 2023 Report Share Posted November 26, 2023 20 hours ago, DWB said: Go with the white. You might inadvertently pee in the yellow.... Not sure Walmart is in my price range?! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted November 26, 2023 Report Share Posted November 26, 2023 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted November 29, 2023 Report Share Posted November 29, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steubenhoosier Posted December 1, 2023 Report Share Posted December 1, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted December 3, 2023 Report Share Posted December 3, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted December 3, 2023 Report Share Posted December 3, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steubenhoosier Posted December 3, 2023 Report Share Posted December 3, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted December 3, 2023 Report Share Posted December 3, 2023 Tis the season.... Â 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5fouls Posted December 4, 2023 Report Share Posted December 4, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5fouls Posted December 4, 2023 Report Share Posted December 4, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steubenhoosier Posted December 5, 2023 Report Share Posted December 5, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steubenhoosier Posted December 8, 2023 Report Share Posted December 8, 2023 @5fouls giving wife # (fill in the blank) the Christmas of her dreams. And he's still a dead man walking 😛      4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reacher Posted December 9, 2023 Report Share Posted December 9, 2023 18 hours ago, Steubenhoosier said: @5fouls giving wife # (fill in the blank) the Christmas of her dreams. And he's still a dead man walking 😛      @5fouls thought he learned from that when the following year, he got his next wife a dishwasher. Alas, that didn't go over well either and thus began the vicious cycle. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drroogh Posted December 9, 2023 Report Share Posted December 9, 2023 28 minutes ago, Reacher said: @5fouls thought he learned from that when the following year, he got his next wife a dishwasher. Alas, that didn't go over well either and thus began the vicious cycle. The wash cycle or the rinse cycle? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted December 13, 2023 Report Share Posted December 13, 2023 You guys in Carmel should like this.... Â 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steubenhoosier Posted December 13, 2023 Report Share Posted December 13, 2023 I can relate to this 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWB Posted December 14, 2023 Report Share Posted December 14, 2023 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steubenhoosier Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drroogh Posted December 16, 2023 Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 57 minutes ago, Steubenhoosier said: So why do they call them Karen’s? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IUFLA Posted December 17, 2023 Report Share Posted December 17, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.